Believe. Forgive. Even through the pain. But don’t forget.
I wanna believe. But I'm having a hard time seeing past what I see right now, I see right now. I wanna be free. But when I try to fly I realize I don't know how. No one showed me how. Wish I could see that this mess I'm in will really work out for my good. You said it would.So, if you can hear me, can you give me a sign cause I don't feel you like I should. Please if you could. My faith is almost gone, I can't hold on much longer. Take this cup from me. (Help Me Believe – Kirk Franklin)
One of the hardest things about a personal or reputational attack is moving past the pain.It hurts like hell, and the pain can linger for months, sometimes years, regardless of whether you were the victim or the unwitting perpetrator.
We depend so much on others for our self worth, for reflecting back who we think we are.So when we’re attacked or go through a personal and public crisis, it can feel as if the world has turned on you and that you hold little worth, regardless of your accomplishments to date.
I went through a traumatic reputational attack a few years ago that was unwarranted and seemingly came out of nowhere.
I had to pull everything together in my personal arsenal to stay sane.I spent hours questioning myself, blaming myself for trusting the attacker (who'd been someone I considered a close friend), and imagining how I could have avoided the person and the situation to mitigate the attack.
I became slightly paranoid of other friendships, I avoided people.
I basically wanted to stay in bed, binge on Downton Abbey and moan all day.
I finally got out from under the cloud ...
And here’s what I learned from the crisis:
1. Recognise it as a teaching moment.
If I chose to camp around my pain, it would have eventually become a well of bitterness.
To turn the situation around, ask yourself a few tough questions, like I did:
- What was your part to play in it?
- What did the crisis reveal to you about yourself or your brand?
- What has the crisis revealed about the attackers and/or victims?
- What can you take accountability for?
- What can you apologise for?
- What/who can you embrace and what can you walk away from?
- Who can you trust moving forward?
2. Use the shock to boost you forward
To be honest before the attack I experienced I was very content, thinking that my entire world was golden.
The shock of the attack woke me from complacency – and made me livid.Angry enough to do something about it.
Instead of counter trolling my ‘enemy’, I put all my energy into getting fit, loving my family harder, focusing on my career and designing the Ambsdr app.
Because like Queen Bey says, 'best revenge is your paper'!
3. Stir up faith
Sometime the only way through the darkness of night is to imagine morning’s light.
Know that there will be dark nights will be present for a season but the sun always shines through.Use meditation, prayer, songs, friends, wine, exercise – whatever gets you uplifted – to guide your soul and heart work through the valley of tears and over to the ‘safe side’.
4. Forgive - One. Of. The. Toughest. Things. Ever.
I remember sitting across a table to the same person who’d spread lies about my reputation, and smiling through my pain.
And whispering, “forgive, forgive, forgive,” under my breath, when all I wanted to do was slap them across the face.
I grit my teeth and reminded myself that ‘restraint is admirable, and forgiveness is freedom’.
Though my heart was hostile much, my logical mind took over, thank God.
Over time the pain lessened and forgiveness entrenched itself where bitterness would have taken over.
I never forgot though and no matter how many times the person tried to reignite our friendship, I quietly rebuffed them. I’d seen enough of their true nature – and it’s nothing I wanted in my world.
5. This too shall pass.
Ultimately, don’t give up – this is a season of transformation.
A season of crisis is like a fire, it hurts like hell as the flames burn through yet it’s temporary and the pain shall soon pass.
It's also refining and strengthening you for what lies ahead.
The key is to use the season as a catalyst and spark for what your destiny holds for you.
Think on it.
