“There’s a private pain you must endure as people you loved, trusted, or admired turn against you in envy. It hurts to be criticized when you’re trying your best. It stings deeply when you discover the insincerity of those you thought loved you; they only loved what you could do for them. It’s a harsh reality to face that someone simply wants you to fail. You don’t know why; they don’t know why. They just can’t stand the thought of you getting what you want out of life.” – TD Jakes
Yep. TD captures it well. The ugly truth of rising into your legacy and destiny is that not everyone is happy for you.
I realised this when a set of people in my world a few years back began to cast aspersions on my aspirations – especially when I made the mistake of thinking they were all happy for me.
Looking back, one of them in particular nailed me with a strange look at a dinner I was hosting.
Though I didn’t discern it clearly then, the colour of their eyes had transformed into an exquisite shade of green jade.
Now I know that the wheels were frantically turning in their heads with the repetitive beat – “Just who the hell does she think she is?”
Needless to say, the fake smiles and jade green eyes led to a very strange season, in which they tried their darnedest best to undermine and cut me down in every way they could.
From spreading rumours to reaching out to friends I cherished and seeking to poison them against me, the attack was relentless.
At first I was in the dark. I was utterly at a loss to explain the silent campaign against me yet I could sense it.
I finally stumbled on the truth and to be honest I was devastated.
I was angry and I was ropeable.
I knew it was an undeserved attack and I tried to understand the why behind it but there was no rhyme, reason or logic.
Just pure, unadulterated jealousy.
Every fibre in my being wanted to lash out and hurt the jade green monster that was waging a war against me.
Yet somehow, and because of the love, trust and encouragement of the many people around me, I managed to stay the horses and take a deep breath.
I did some reputation triage and in time the haters faded into the background, and my passions and dreams began to be rewarded with industry accolades and awards.
I had triumphed. They, had not.
It wasn’t even a case of winning against them; it was a case of overcoming my initial anger and short-lived bitterness and replacing it with a peace that passed all understanding.
I knew that if I dwelt in the toxic dark zone they were trying to draw me into I would flounder, take my eyes off my prize and fall short.
It was painful but I managed to pull myself away from the anger. I even forgave. But I haven’t forgotten.
Insight Inspiration
Haters will always hate.
The key is in how you respond to them.
Unless their hate is founded on any figment of truth that you need to address, cut out their oxygen by ignoring them.
I remember once, when a dear friend counselled me about the same toxic hater above who was targeting me (the person was known to both of us).
She told me that no matter what I said to defend myself against the ludicrous accusations, the hater in question would always twist it to their own benefit.
Asking them to stop their lies would be turned into more accusations along the lines that I'd threatened them or similar.
My advisor gave me the best wisdom – “leave them be and hold your tongue.“
“Defending yourself from a toxic personality gives them legitimacy. Ignoring their poison means it will eventually be diluted for lack of evidence and the pile up of positive substantiation in your stead,” she said.
And she was right. I backed right off and the hater disappeared from the pit of hell they'd come from, never to be seen again.
I focused my energy on being happy, content and purposed in the pursuit of my legacy.
The result of which was and continues to be a loving family, fantastic family, an amazing group of friends and a growing legacy.
The.Best.Revenge.Ever.
